how to be assertive with your boss

Ask yourself if you are in a position to be picking a fight. Asking to join a pick-up game at your local gym is a way you can practice asking for something that meets your needs for exercise and creates a connection with others. I disagree with that is assertive and honest, and it opens up further conversation to move toward resolution. ... “After you’re comfortable being assertive, you have to read your environment,” Dr. Aggressive managers say, in … Step 2. Communicate your needs confidently. That’s a completely normal response. Explain the facts, avoid blaming them in any way, explain why you don’t like it, why it’s bad for the job, and kindly make request for your boss to change behavior. Calmness benefits you and those around you . It is a style of communication that involves being able to say what you want, need and feel, without hurting the feelings of other people. Take a good look at how you communicate with people and where your level of self-esteem and confidence lies. Practice healthy assertive communication, expressing your opinions and feelings, even when it feels vulnerable. The Benefits of Being Assertive One of the main benefits of being assertive is that it can help you to become more self-confident, as you gain a better understanding of who you are and the value that you offer. Employees go to work and want to make a difference and do a good job. Chart Your Emotions. Bullet points or numbered lists have several advantages: They’re easy to read. Assertive communication involves clear, honest statements about your beliefs, needs, and emotions. STEP 1: Stop gendering your role. Be Assertive. 2. Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn others' respect. The same goes for being assertive. Being assertive means speaking up for yourself, handling conflicts, and getting problems solved. More than that, he also gets time to do some personal work too. It could mean politely saying “No” when asked to take on an extra project. My current boss of seven years has been part of my success as he closely mentored me and exposed me to the right individuals—allowing them to see my work and leadership. 7 Smart Ways to Effectively Manage Your Boss ... and you're willing to be assertive. Don't justify, rationalize, or apologize--just set your boundaries calmly, firmly and respectfully. But it never comes up. Over time, these small habits of speaking up can really build your confidence, help you become more assertive, and help you feel more empowered. 7 Smart Ways to Effectively Manage Your Boss ... and you're willing to be assertive. Find yourself automatically saying yes to things without thinking about it? Make special note of how your boss has tried to discredit you, and then discuss your value to the company and your positive accomplishments. 5Be assertive, but not defensive or aggressive. 4. The boss will be naturally assertive with assertive people than just alert. Doing these things will show others around you that you’re a team player and could show your boss that you are an asset and should be treated as such. 11 Ways to Be More Assertive. The recipe: short, direct sentences to get your point across and paragraphs with clear, informative topic sentences. Time and time again, men ask for (and get) raises, promotions, job offers, better clients, etc., simply because they ask. Some people seem to be naturally assertive. Don't corner him between meetings, or bring up issues in a group forum designed for other purposes. Be calm. Identify your emotional responses as you practice assertive behavior. Be direct. Pretty assertive, then again you'd want to be if you're going to survive in this world. Don’t get angry or frustrated if your family, friends, and co-workers question or even try to thwart your new assertive approach to life. When you ask your boss for a pay raise, how did his or her response make you feel? “I” language takes ownership of your ideas, while “we” language creates an atmosphere with your boss that you are “in this together” – rather than a “me vs. you” battle of wills. The three-part assertive message starts by describing a specific behavior. His needs are recognized and respected even without causing drama or getting into arguments. If you're not the boss, and want to obtain a great position, then remember that the boss of wherever you want to work probably wants assertive employees. How to develop assertiveness skills. People can change, and if they're not currently assertive, help them to become so. So you shouldn’t feel bad about reciprocating. You assert your own rights while recognizing your boss's need to get the job done. Get clear on what you want or need, and find ways to articulate that. Self-confidence helps you feel comfortable ... 2. It’s possible to try to communicate assertively and slip over the line in to aggressive, jerk-like communication. First, prepare for being assertive at work in the safety of your journal, your therapy, or your close relationships. Assertive people will face their boss and explain their position in a diplomatic and professional way, without throwing one of their coworkers under the bus or being disrespectful towards their boss. Your spouse, your health, your favorite movie—whatever it is, you would write 3 to 5 things down each morning. So, now back to you. You have been doing extra work to help your disorganized colleague for the last month. 11) Be assertive, not aggressive. 3. 4. Walk your talk. 3. 3) Address it diplomatically Open communication is key in any relationship, and the employee-boss relationship is … How to Be More Assertive In Your Career, Marriage, and With Your Kids Career. Clearly, when you passively wait for the context to appear, it may not work in your favor. (A boss may require more rationale, but a succinct answer is still best.) 2. 1. The most effective, assertive … Just remember, like anything, it gets easier with time! A better approach is to be assertive. The team meets to discuss how to get started, and you’re excited to propose your approach. Passive Approach: You wait for your boss to make the first suggestion, then take the path of least resistance by agreeing, rather than putting your idea on the table or even suggesting ways to improve upon her strategy. One must be assertive and direct in a micromanaging situation. Whether you’re a newly promoted boss, a project leader for the first time or just want to stand up for yourself with your own coworkers and boss—being assertive on the job can be tricky. It could mean chatting with your office rival about who gets the next promotion, while absentmindedly twirling your machete, which you “just happened” to have with you. Four accomplished women helped us formulate a six-point guide to being more assertive as you step into an authoritative position. In dog language, the pack leader gets to go first. Assertive communication doesn’t look to bulldoze over other people (that would be aggressive communication). These—or similar situations–are just a few examples of times when you might want to be assertive but find yourself holding back because you are afraid of negative outcomes. Assertive communication in this type of situation means remaining calm and polite but pointing out to your coworker and to your boss that the idea was yours and that you would be happy to work with that person to get their input on taking the idea to the next level. Another good negotiating tactic, particularly if your boss seems skittish about remote work, is to suggest that you work from home on a trial basis — say, for three months. Review the two situations below. A good leader is one that is assertive, yet fair but many simply do not know how to be assertive with their teams. Let’s first take a look at 3 key assertive phrases that you can use and then we’ll take a detailed look at how you can say no to others as well – a very common issue amongst managers who need to be more assertive. Walk ahead of your dog. This will impact your relationship with your boss, as you will most probably withdraw yourself from the relationship or become bitter. Behaving unresponsive hurts empathy and makes it difficult to diffuse an aggressive person’s emotions. "Assertiveness is not all about what you say," says McCurdy. How then do you become more assertive at work without becoming the murder victim in Horrible Bosses 3? “ Positive attitude ” / “ high motivation ” / “ Self-confidence ” are the key traits in an individual that leads to being assertive at work success. Developing self-confidence is critical to learning to be assertive. Then ask questions to see if your boss is ok with your request, or if there are any barriers. Make an appointment when you have enough documented evidence to state your case. The first step toward becoming more assertive is taking inventory of how you voice your thoughts and feelings. Let’s say you want to talk to your boss about your promotion or salary negotiation. Most people are aware that they are not assertive. I'd chase a fiver if it was owned me. … Keep in mind that you should present a business case, not a personal pitch for how you will benefit personally from working from your couch. Assertiveness helps you communicate honestly, cultivate authentic relationships, better understand your own feelings and get your needs met. Engaging in an argument over a minor issue may be an unwise decision if you can't afford to lose your job. Assertive communication in this type of situation means remaining calm and polite but pointing out to your coworker and to your boss that the idea was yours and that you would be happy to work with that person to get their input on taking the idea to the next level. Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself in evaluating your skill level. Listen and maintain eye contact. This will help give you the confidence to stand up for yourself," Darrisaw advises. He said, “1. Do you ... Plan your response ahead of time. 5Be assertive, but not defensive or aggressive. But if you're not one of them, you can learn to be more assertive. "Your … Again, respectful assertiveness is vital here. 4. 1. Showing interest in their success builds trust. It’s 2020, women, men, non-binary, everyone can do everything. To become a more assertive manager, it’s imperative that your team respects and understands their duties. Are you ready to work on your presence and confidence at work. When you ask your boss for a pay raise, how did his or her response make you feel? Assertive behaviour is being able to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs, and standing up for your own or other people’s rights while remaining calm and positive. But if you're not one of them, you can learn to be more assertive. Assertive at work. Photo: Jopwell / Pexels. Its goal is to create the best outcome for you in cooperation with the others in your workplace. People can change, and if they're not currently assertive, help them to become so. "You must go confidently and ask," Marhsall says. If you determine the problem is truly with your boss, you must be willing to accept the consequences of confrontation. Learn to be assertive while being alert. It can be easy to get angry and frustrated when someone tries to undermine your work, but your comments will carry greater weight with your boss if you can calmly and rationally outline the issues without letting your emotions get in your way. Work to separate that personally charged emotion from what you need to communicate. Work-life primarily involves interacting with people: managing subordinates, reporting to a boss, or working alongside your colleagues. An important part of being more assertive at work is appearing (and being) confident in what you have to say. Showing interest in … Talk to Your Boss. Twitter follower Vijay Mahajan had five brief tips for being more assertive. Asking to join a pick-up game at your local gym is a way you can practice asking for something that meets your needs for exercise and creates a connection with others. With these factors in yourself, you can step up in your career, creating a bright future for yourself. These techniques can be developed into an assertive message template. The Benefits of Being Assertive One of the main benefits of being assertive is that it can help you to become more self-confident, as you gain a better understanding of who you are and the value that you offer. Your strong and confident posture needs to be matched with an equally convincing tone. Unless you know the characteristics of different ‘pawns’ and how to move them on the board, you will never able to make a ‘check’ to your boss or win the game of chess. 13) Avoid gossiping or spreading rumors to your boss. 5. Value your time. Remember that being assertive isn’t synonymous with being bossy or selfish, so you need to practice communicating your wants and needs while still having empathy for others. But you owe it to yourself to do so! Assess your communication style. The recipe: short, direct sentences to get your point across and paragraphs with clear, informative topic sentences. Communicates Clear Vision. Find out how you can stop others from intimidating you or treating you poorly.

Are you tired of being intimidated and treated badly by others? Declare your needs, then stick to them: if you had previously been granted a day off and are asked to come into work the day before, politely but firmly decline. If, for example, a boss belittles you in a meeting, pull them aside and say, "I'd appreciate it if you have an issue with my work, if we could set up a meeting and talk about it face-to-face, so I can improve." You assert your own rights while recognizing your boss's need to get the job done. Some people seem to be naturally assertive. Just practice over and over — starting with the easiest people and situations, before progressing on to the tough ones — and before you know it you have nailed it. Talk to your supervisor. Learn specific techniques to become more assertive in all parts of your life. A coworker steals your idea and pitches it to your boss in a meeting. Assertive communication involves clear, honest statements about your beliefs, needs, and emotions. Dee C. Marshall, a career and life coach, says to put your request for a raise in writing, outlining all of your achievements and ask for a meeting with your boss to discuss. Being assertive, whether in a professional environment or personal life, is a talent not many can claim to … Thank the person for her time and that you look forward to … Your boss isn’t a mind reader. Today’s article answers a question from a reader whose boss told her to be more assertive. Using assertive language such as “I” and “we” will help you convey your opinions, in a respectful manner. Let your colleague know you cannot keep doing their work for them. Or, are you whiny, weak, fearful, and imprecise? So why not ensure that your staff are all assertive? Don't wait to be called on, but instead, make your … As a result, he gets enough time to finish his duties without undue pressure. Being assertive goes hand in hand with your body language. Instead of being assertive with your boss or parent, practice with less challenging people in your life, she said. Discover how people manipulate you and how you submit to being a victim. Chart Your Emotions. Assertive people fight less, stress less, and worry less. They get their needs met and can better meet other people’s needs. They boost their self-esteem, verbalize emotions, have stronger relationships, and achieve more goals by effectively working with people. Now that you understand these concepts and techniques, it’s time to approach your boss. But sometimes, you might have to alert them to your limits. Going from not speaking your mind at all to being assertive in life is going to be a wide step for many. "Talk with your boss constantly, but respond to them — don't react ," says Mone. Low self-esteem can prevent you from telling others what you want. Here’s how it works: Describe a Specific Behavior. Calmness is not enough because it can show ignorance and increase aggression from a lack of responsiveness. You’ll project assertive energy that your dog will recognize. You have to get the work done through your team and at the same time ensure that your team has good morale and that they remain motivated. When there are challenges arising within the company, be proactive in coming up with solutions and sharing them with your manager. Use the assertive message template. This might even increase your chances of getting a promotion and a raise in pay. 3. 3. Better too instill respect than love in these matters. Be Honest With Yourself. But you have to start to do this if you want to live a life that’s worth anything. Here are 16 ways to be more assertive today…. Boss was great about it, major relief on my part! Using assertive communication can help your to communicate more clearly and completely, and it has a risk. You will begin by measuring your assertiveness quotient, you will learn about the many surprising consequences of not being assertive, and you will learn to recognize the different behaviors of passive, aggressive, and assertive people. 10 Qualities of a Great Boss. For managers to be successful, their team members need to respect them and follow them. It could mean politely saying “No” when asked to take on an extra project. They help highlight key details. State your desire to see your boss' behavior change. Be an assertive boss, not an aggressive one. Now, I’m not telling you to raise your voice and square up to your difficult coworker but rather that you should talk to them in a no-nonsense tone. A willingness to compromise is assertive. Being assertive can mean anything. At the same time, actively listen to what your partner needs, taking a pause to respond rather than react emotionally. Ideally, you will work with people who respect your boundaries and know when they’re asking too much of you. Learn how to say “no.”. What you need from your boss Sometimes you need to give a little to get a lot. While assertive communication can sometimes be misinterpreted as arrogant, selfish, or unhelpful, by learning how to establish clear boundaries and communicate your needs and ideas clearly and respectfully, you can enhance your relationships with others, whether they’re work colleagues, friends, or romantic partners. Step 1 – What Kind of Boss Are You? A neighbor borrowed your favorite book 12 months ago, you have already asked for it back a couple of times. With my recent promotion, he is expecting me to be more assertive with colleagues and even customers. If your boss doesn't agree, ask them why. Once you approach your boss, be calm and responsive. Understand you can only control your behavior. Only be assertive when you need to: if you assert yourself at every turn for unimportant issues, being assertive … The following tips can help you appear both gracious and but assertive at the same time: Improve your emotional intelligence. You need to have an open, non-judgmental, honest conversation with your boss. Here are some steps that foster respect: Assert Yourself: Are you clear, specific, precise, strong, and calm? This first lesson will mark a turning point in your life. Setting boundaries with your boss and colleagues is a major step toward establishing a healthy work-life balance. Do you find it easy to be assertive? 1. I’ll be generous, and assume that he meant that such skills can contribute to self-confidence, rather than recommending that you separate your boss’s joints if he asks you to work a bit of overtime! Lesson 1 - The Importance of Being Assertive. They help highlight key details. Thanks to their assertiveness, they can maintain good relationships with their peers and be certain they will have a job in the following days. A gentle, diplomatic nudge that allows others to make the first move, garners respect. Today’s article answers a question from a reader whose boss told her to be more assertive. If you have a complicated message that can’t be conveyed in five or so sentences, use lists. Create Boundaries. When you walk into a workplace, prepare yourself to be assertive before you even say a thing. 1. If you know that your performance has been consistent and you've been working on the same pay-scale for a long time, you might want to speak with your boss. By removing the … When your employees doubt your authority, motivation will wane, and accountability ceases to exist.